You're thinking about getting a divorce. A few things to consider before you speak with an attorney.

Why?

Be certain you know why you want a divorce. To have a "successful" divorce, you need to know your reasons for becoming divorced; you can then plan for an outcome that allows you to achieve what you cannot in your marriage.

If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage, the reasons for divorce are clear. Most other situations are less clear, and only you can answer the questions, but knowing those answers will help you and your attorney with the process.

Plan

Planning is important. The process can help focus your attention on your motivation and your final goals. The decisions you make will control much of you and your children's lives for the near future.

Planning also allows you to make the most of the time you spend with your lawyer. Professionals, like lawyers and accountants, provide specific services and charge accordingly. You don't want to waste your money crying on their shoulder. If you have a legal question, think it over before you ask. Write it down, as writing also help fine-tune your thoughts.

Remember, most divorces, like most cases, don't proceed to a trial, so it is a good idea to plan with that in mind. If your case actually goes before a judge, the decision he or she makes will have far-reaching consequences. You want to ensure they have the best information on which to base their decision, not your momentary, subjective feelings, colored by anger toward your ex-spouse.

Children

If you have children, and you think the divorce will improve their situation, do what you can towards that goal. If it is about them, be careful that you remember that. "Getting" your soon-to-be ex does not further that goal.

Many decisions the court may make will be based on the "best interests" of the children. Do what you can to be aligned with that process.

Divorce is difficult. You have to make decisions that will have life-long consequence, at a time when you may be so upset and enraged with your spouse, that calmly discussing the disassembly of your life seems impossible.

Lawyers

This is where your lawyer can help. They are a trained professional. They have experience dealing with these matters every day. Ask them questions. Take notes. They are your agent, your go-between, to the courts and your ex, and they can filter your rage, impatience and frustration, so you don't say or do something you may later regret, and instead help direct your energy to rebuilding your life.

It is also important to have realistic expectations; your attorney can't force the other side to be cooperative or make the court set earlier hearing dates. They will keep you informed and answer your questions, but the better prepared you are to help them, the better they can help you move beyond the divorce.